


See You If I See You

by alphonseelric22



Series: Home [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, conqueror of shamballa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-06 09:49:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13408698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphonseelric22/pseuds/alphonseelric22
Summary: Ed's never been good at writing but he has to try. After all, he probably won't be able to later.





	See You If I See You

**Author's Note:**

> This is the letter Ed had written to Roy before the events of In Memoriam. It isn't quite as I pictured it but this is how it wanted to be written and nothing could change that XD You don't have to read the previous fic for this one to make sense but this is meant to add to that.

_Roy,_

_I'm not good at this shit so bear with me okay? There's a reason I don't fucking write shit like this. That's not the point though._

_First of all, I gave you the journal because I know I can trust you with it. You'll keep it safe if I come back and even if I don't. You know I trust you right? I know I didn't always act like it but I do. I trust you probably more than anyone besides Al._

_I don't know if I'm coming back. When I started this whole fucking quest I never really thought of a future for myself. I guess that's cause I've always been ready to do whatever it takes to get Al back in his body. I guess you know that by now. The thing is, all of this has gotten so much worse than I ever could've imagined and the people we're dealing with aren't exactly pushovers. I don't know if I can get my ass out of this mess this time. This might be it._

_So..._

_I want you to hold on to this. If I come back I'll pick up later and that'll be the end of it. If I don't... give it to Al. It's probably a shitty thing to give him considering all of the dumb shit I did to mess up his life but I know he'd want it. I can at least do that._

_There's another thing... but it's..._

_I told you I'm no good at writing letters. Fuck._

_Okay._

_With all of the stuff going on and me getting Al's body back and then these fuckers getting in the way, there's been a lot I couldn't say before. I just didn't have time and I was also too fucking afraid because, y'know, we might fight and get on each other's nerves sometimes but... it's not like I don't give a shit, Roy. I do. And I know you do to some extent or you would've dropped my ass with another C.O. years ago. I didn't want to fuck any of that up. You were helping us and doing so much shit for us and... I didn't want to repay that by dumping all of my stupid shit on you. It's not fair and it might fuck shit up even more and..._

_The thing is... how do I even put this? I guess, I like you probably more than I should. I mean, like, more than as a friend or anything like that... I guess._

_Shit. I knew that would look stupid the second I fucking wrote it._

_Whatever._

_It's the best way I can think of putting it. Doesn't mean it's less true or anything. I just know I might not be able to tell you and I want to and I don't want there to be any regrets no matter what. You can think less of me or whatever you want but... I've been this way for a long time and I tried to ignore it. Ask Al. I fucking tried because I knew it was just me wanting shit I couldn't have and that I didn't have time to have even if I could and I tried so hard not to fucking feel this._

_But that's the thing with feelings and emotions. You can't make them go away. You can't shut them up. You can only hide them for a little while. It didn't go away and the feelings just fucking grew and before I knew it... you were more than just a commanding officer or a friend or co-conspirator. Do you remember that time when you caught me staring at you and you asked me if there was something about your face that displeased me and I just said “All of it.”? Yeah, that was... look, I was fucking embarrassed and I didn't even realize I'd been doing that or anything. It just sort of happened. So I said the first thing I could think of._

_The point is, I've been thinking of you like that for a while and I never said anything all this time because I couldn't. And I'm saying it now. Sorry it's at the worst possible time and sorry I couldn't say it to your face. I'm just sorry, alright?_

_Anyway, I better wrap this thing up before it gets too long and I throw it away like my brain keeps fucking telling me to._

_Take care of yourself and listen to Hawkeye and take care of Al if I don't come back._

_See you if I see you,_

_Ed_

 


End file.
